Thursday, May 27, 2010

my boy

he is my second-born.

he is my boy, sandwiched between two high-intensity girls.

he prioritizes peace over all things - handing over toys to his sisters, offering to read his book last, quietly disappearing in the midst of psychic storms until the thunderclouds pass.

he wrestles manfully with his emotions, pressing small fists into his eyes until he can control the tears.

he is the one still creeping into our room in the small hours, tucking his small body next to mine. when asked, all he'll say is 'i was a lil bit 'fraid. tha's all.'

he is a watcher, a studier, a builder.

he is profoundly shy - he never understands an adult has addressed him, assuming instead that they must be speaking to his charming older sister or his adorable younger one.

he is the one - my one - who owns my heart simply because he's never assumed it was his to own. (girls, when & if you ever read this, always know you own your own versions of my heart. this one, though, is all his.)

i don't buy the pomp & circumstance of preschool 'graduations' - not really. but this kid, the kid who has hated preschool almost every day he's gone for 2 years, who crowed 'I AM SO GLAD THIS IS THE LAST DAY OF PRESCHOOL!!!!!!!!!' - when i saw him walk with his class into the chapel, he gave me his shy smile and i knew.



i saw in an instant how he would go out into the world and charm it - make it his own. in his quiet way he will navigate the shoals of testosterone filled competition, he will be embarrassed by the attentions of girls, and someday he will show his teachers his bright quick wit.

in this small loving preschool graduation i saw all of his years ahead of him - i saw the teenager he will grow to be, the strong young man right there in his small five-year old body. in his small shy way, this was his Moment, whether he knew it or not. this was his moment to launch.

And I'm so proud I was there to see it.

love you, Larsie boy.  may your future be as rich as your mommy's dreams.

13 comments:

Aging Mommy said...

Kirsten this is a beautiful post, wonderfully written, so heartfelt and so full of the love you have for your little boy.

Cheryl said...

Awww..congrats, Lars! He is just too cute!!!

Jen C said...

*sniffle, sniffle* Can you believe how grown up our boys have become?

WAAAHHH!

hezro said...

My Annika finished preschool today too. Surely we're not aging as rapidly as they are, right?!

dianeswords.wordpress.com said...

yeah they grow up way too fast.

Dutchmuse said...

aww...sweet!

Amanda said...

Kirsten, he is such a gorgeous boy. I can't wait to see him and the girls again.

Varda said...

Kirsten, this is such a touching post, and your son is so lovely. When you have more than one child it's always amazing how each can take up full residence in your heart. You know you are loving them all with your whole heart - so how many hearts do you end up having, then? One of my children is always trying to get me to confess to loving him more (sibling rivalry at its best) and I find creative ways to let him know it just ain't happening without resorting to that battered old (& clearly untrue) line "I love you both the same". I love them both so fully but so differently because they are such different people. The amount is equal - each with my whole heart - but as you have so beautifully described, there is an individual quality and character to the love for each of your children that is as specific and unique as the children themselves are. Sigh.

Mayhem and Moxie said...

It is far too early in the morning for me to be crying, but that is exactly what is happening over here.

Such a sweet, darling little boy. Congrats to him and to you during this wonderful time.

xo
Francesca

Dana @ Bungalow'56 said...

These moments kind of hit you when you least expect it. I have been having many lately. Lost teeth, choosing high school. Children's haircut. It's run the gamut, and I'm glad I'm a blogger so that I have them all recorded. A lovely post.
Dana

LoveFeast Table said...

Can I just tell you that three of my kids went to that same pre school...I know cause I recognize all the teachers! It is a beautiful school and were some of the most precious years in my boys lives! Is Ms. Fuestle still there?

Mama Kat said...

What a sweetheart! I can't help but wonder if this is the affect all little boys have on us mamas. :)

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

What an amazing, touching post, and a handsome little man! I hope you save this and give this to him when he is older.
Way to go, momma!

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