Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Leopards, spots, those sorts of things...

What you don't hear about, when reading a post, is all of the discussion here at the Yellow House about whatever the day's topic is.  My most faithful editor and sounding board is back for a guest-post.  I give you... The Dad of NilsenLife!

I hear there's been some musing over ex-boyfriends and the like. I'll state up front that it surely is not my place to defend an ex-boyfriend, certainly not one I have never met, but for the record: I too am an ex-boyfriend.

A very good friend - possibly the nicest man alive - mentioned to me one day, as we were watching our little girls playing, that he already had an eye on THE BOYS who played with his daughters.  He made the point that the guys he knew in college who didn't treat girls right back then, are in fact mean guys to this day. That a leopard doesn't change his spots.

Here I am - in my thirties, with a beautiful wife and family - none gained through treating girls wrong.  But I was that guy - the guy who didn't notice a heart breaking, who left a breakup note behind as I went on vacation, the guy who failed to wake up for breakfast dates  - and no, Kirsten hasn't forgotten about that one!

I might have come across, at times of my life, as thoughtless, inconsiderate, yes even rude.  But I like to think that maybe life's tougher lessons may have smoothed some of the rough spots - that maybe I wasn't the greatest guy in other relationships, but that I've learned a few of the lessons it takes to be one of the Good Guys.

I still, on occasion, might fail to notice the effort that has gone into a date night "get-up."  I still don't always say the MOST thoughtful thing I can think of. Tonight is not the night to right all the wrongs: all I'm saying is that we (those ex-boyfriends) can mellow out, ease up, pull ourselves together and become net contributors (relatively speaking) given a chance, or two, or three.


Cheryl said...

The best thing you can do is teach your son not to be one of "those" guys, and to make sure your daughters don't put up with any crap! Good post!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Very true. I don't like to think of my ex-boyfriends as bad, they were just not right for me. They probably all became great guys and are making some other woman happy. Regardless of this nice thought, I'm still glad that they are in fact my ex-boyfriends and I have land quite the catch in my husband.

dianeswords.wordpress.com said...

i'm sure when you wrote "beautiful wife and family..." i suspect you won all the foregiveness you ever wanted! nice post.

torbjorn said...

I am glad you brought up that point Cheryl, and thinking it went without mention it might be appropriate to point out then that meanness will not be tolerated by suitors, nor Nilsen boys.

It is my belief that the only explanation for my behavior can be youthful exuberance and ignorance, in explicit contradiction to the values my parents instilled in me.

As I said I am not standing up for all the ex-boyfriends out there, I am simply stating that I am one...

LoveFeast Table said...

Within hours of meeting my now husband, I met two of his "girlfriends". One came to me crying about how she just "knew" he was seeing someone else. Little did I know, he'd leave them all behind to woo me...and he did. 16 years later, he definitely left "that" boyfriend mojo behind!
Now, to help prevent our four boys from making the same mistakes!

Michelle said...

I agree, a lot of men who in their younger days were not the best boyfriends have now gottne older, matured and probably most of them are great husbands and fathers.

I also think it is the dynamic of a relationship and whether someone is really right for you and really ready to settle down.

I dated some pretty awful guys in my past but hubby never treated me badly and was always a great boyfriend. I guess that is why I married him.

Jamie said...

Thank you for stopping by and making my SITS day so fabulous!

Justine said...

I visit plenty of mommy bloggers and to hear an honest post like that from a man, a dad/husband, is really refreshing. You are right - I am an ex myself, and through my past relationships, I've learned to be the woman I am today.

Great post.

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