Stillness {Day 8}: The Dark Side of Still

One of my major reservations about doing a series on Stillness was that I might seem to come across as some sort of Live in the Now expert.  Mindfulness Madam.  Senior Fellow in Stillness.

[Yeah, alright, you long time readers can stop laughing now. I'm serious.  I was worried.]

I am not mindful all day long.  Some days, ok fine A LOT of days I am not mindful at all, and build no stillness into my life whatsoever.  Not real stillness.  Laziness, yes.  Exhausted stupor, oh yeah - every morning when I stagger out of bed, and every evening as I collapse back onto the mattress.  Stunned silence?  More often than I'd like.

Throughout this 31 Days I'm planning to share with you where my darker thoughts go on this subject.  I'll tell you about my Sally Snark inner voice that makes fun of my Stillness meditations, my Judgy McJudgerson inner voice that thinks there a lot better things to do with my time, and my Troubled Goth Teenager inner voice that insists I just don't get it, that I'm just not deep enough, man. 

[No wonder I can entertain myself for long stretches at home alone with the kids.  I've got fantastic multiple personalities to keep me company!]

So this little Saturday night post is just to tell you that it's ok if you don't buy into all this Stillness stuff all the time.  Sometimes, like late on a weekend night when I'm tired and whiny and just want to watch trashy tv?  I wanna say what's the - ugh - *point*?? too.

And then, the next day, I will wake up, do a little shimmy in the shower and get my guru mojo back. I will return to looking for Still, because on those days, just the discipline of the search is enough to get us started.

Wait for it.