Thursday, January 11, 2007

Chipped Beef - in the canon

I have spent what amounts to an unhealthily large amount of time lately, on trying to remember the details of what, in my mind, is simply astounding craftsmanship: the number one top passage from any book ever written.

Last night I dug it out and here I am, sharing it with you:

"...the reverend insists that we occupy the first pew. He rang us up not long ago, tipsy -he's a tippler - saying that our faces brought him closer to God. And is it's true, we're terribly good-looking people. They are using my mother's profile on the new monorail token, and as for my father and me, the people at NASA want to design a lunar module based on the shape of our skulls. Our cheekbones are aeronautic and the clefts of our chins can hold up to three dozen BBs at a time. When asked, most people say that my greatest asset is my skin, which glows -it really does! I have to tie a sock over my eyes in order to fall asleep at night. Others like my eyes or my perfect, gleaming teeth, my thick head of hair or my imposing stature, but if you want my opinion, I think my most outstanding feature is my ability to accept a compliment."

I can remember not being able to sleep the first time I read it, it was Christmas '98 and Uncle John Who Plays the Organ had given me a book called "Naked", by David Sedaris. Little did I know that I had been touched by greatness by this simple gift and I didn't open it for a few days (having more important things to do...). Then, when I was prompted to read it, this is what met my eyes on the very first page; move over Beethoven and Shakespeare too.

So yes, thinking of what book to buy next? - think no further!

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