Tuesday, September 13, 2011

On Harvest Moons and writing

My eldest and I gasped simultaneously.

Did you see that Mommy??

I did, sweetheart.  It's pretty amazing, isn't it?

A huge harvest moon had just begun its ascent, and hung right above the horizon.  Luminous in the dusky blue of a September evening.

I almost pulled the swagger wagon over to the side of the road, just to look.  In and out of the trees it seemed to bob and weave - or maybe it was me bobbing and weaving.  And then, for a long stretch on I95 I had an uninterrupted view.

I watched that moon from the corner of my eye as I drove.

harvest moon

Its glow seemed so self contained.  The huge circle hung in the sky, not gold not yellow not orange.  Just....the color of warm light itself.  The moon seemed to have no compulsion to cast shadows, to spotlight anyone or anything.  It seemed content to glow within itself, guarding a secret knowledge of the autumn to come, the long winter beyond it and a spring that will surely come. 

I want to live like that harvest moon, I found myself thinking.  I want the inner glow, the self possession that doesn't include bright flashy sunbeams cast on those around me, but rather inspires them to glow themselves. 

But.  But. I know that that spark within me, the origin of the glow is the writing.  And honestly, that light has been dim for such a long time.   Every time I sit down to write anything, I start, then sigh, and stare at a blank screen.  I hit delete-delete-delete-delete and keep that moon from rising on the horizon with its radiance and indescribable color.

Just write.  Its a message I have muttered to myself so often in the past six months.  Just write.  And yet the darkness feels unshakeable - a total eclipse, if you will.  It doesn't mean the moon has gone away - it simply means it is obliterated temporarily by the brilliance of others in its orbit - by the roles of mother wife daughter teacher.

So here it is.  I'm just writing.  Inspired, as with so many other years, by the reflections of autumn, by the wisdom gleaned in gathering days, by those around me who urge me  to Just Write.


Heather at the Extraordinary Ordinary - a blogger who makes me laugh like few others, and then choke up with tears with her very next post - yesterday put a challenge out there.  Can you do it? she asked.  Can you let go of your inner critic, of your daily routine just for a moment, and Just Write?

I am so grateful to have someone ask that simple question, the night I talked with the harvest moon.


Emily@remodelingthislife said...

Sigh. I don't think I can. I feel like I've lost the ability to quiet the voices in my head and just write without worry. I feel like it's been so long since I wrote things that make me vulnerable.

This is beautiful and will maybe just maybe help me let go a bit.

And...my daughter had been in bed for 2 hours last night when she came and found me to tell me how pretty the moon was out her window. I love having a little person in my life who makes me notice. Even if it's because she's not asleep 2 hours after she's supposed to be ;)

Jo said...

I came here from your comment on Ciao Mom. I'm also feeling the funk. Your comment seemed a little more than that. I hope you are well and have the support you need.

Sorry, I'm hoping you don't take this to mean I think you are a nutjob. TOTALLY NOT. I just remember thinking the words you wrote so many times and *I* was not ok. I found someone to talk to and got a med adjustment and I am practically a new woman...or at least the one I used to me.

Much love.


Ivey League Mama said...

"It doesn't mean the moon has gone away..." <---yes.yes.yes.

(We saw the glorious harvest moon last night while we were in town and I was so sad I didn't have my camera.)

One Crafty Mother said...

This is breathtakingly beautiful, in every way.

I feel your spark, your glow, and it's radiant.



Elaine A. said...

Really? I mean REALLY? HOW AWESOME is this?

I love that we can inspire each other through blogging and the prompt to "just write".

I love the way you gave your writing life like the moon. Gorgeous, all of it.

And did you take that photo?? Amazing!!

alita jewel said...

I clicked on this link on Heather's page not knowing that I would land on your page, and the minute I did I exclaimed "oooooh" out loud. My children looked at me strange while still chewing their bologna sandwiches, but I pounced on your page like a puppy with a favorite bone.

This sentence- "It seemed content to glow within itself, guarding a secret knowledge of the autumn to come" spoke to me. And then the compare and contrast of creativity to the harvest moon made me ache a little more to seriously write something that moved me, or better to read something that resonated.

And this did. This resonated. It was beautiful and full as the moon itself. Kudos!


Galit Breen said...

This? Is gorgeous, heartfelt, and transparent- exactly the way that I like it!

And for the record, from where I sit? You glowed and shined today. Just saying. :)

Sarah said...

I'm so glad you did decide to just write. I know that feeling- of feeling like the words won't come out, like the writing glow has left.
But it hasn't.
You are a talented woman, and I'm glad I get to read the words you didn't delete:-).

Heather EO said...

Oh beautiful lady with your beautiful words. Please do this again. Look at that moon! I was there with you and then the analogy...yup, you've got a gift. And you know what? Having nothing to say is sometimes best. It makes you a vessel...if that makes any sense at all :)

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