Humble Pie

If there was ever anything that would make you believe in the idea of karma (other than watching My Name is Earl), it is the career that is Motherhood. Absolutely every time I find myself smirking about another mom's odd obsessions/embarassing kids/screwups, it comes back to bite me in the ass.

So I have the bright idea to take my friend JenC & her 2 kids with us to Costco today (my idea of a big spring break adventure, woo hoo!). Great idea on paper. In practice it meant 5 kids in various states of pre-lunch hysteria, 2 moms who are trying to ignore them, shop the cheese selection, but prevent large-scale pilfering of the tasting stations , and - hey ho, you've got a Travelling Circus.

Annika has decided she isn't the easy-going sleep anywhere baby anymore (hey, I'm 3 months, I got RIGHTS!). She pipes up noisily about halfway through the store, and increases in volume as we get toward the checkout. Lars gets tired/hungry/seriously unpleasant as we hit the cashier, Cecilie & BFF Ellie have some small tiff about who should help unload the cart, and Annika is hollering. We head for the pizza/hot dogs, hoping to buy some peace & quiet. Another good friend, Sam's mom, is also there having lunch w/ her 2, and she v. sweetly offers to take Annika whilst we sort the kids out with food. Sweet Baby gets l-o-u-d-e-r.

Sam's 2 yr old sister votes that Annika needs to be fed. I'm not sure, but figure its worth a try. Thing is, I have to head for the bathroom or my car b/c Annika can't deal with the noise of a warehouse lunchroom (go figure). So she & I head for the handicapped stall in the restroom, and mercifully she settles in & calms down. And poops. Get her changed, head back out, stop to let an old lady coo over her and as the lady zooms in for a better look, Annika POOPS again, in a loud and very messy way. So, back into the bathroom, change the diaper, change the clothes, change the socks (yes, she got the socks!), and try one more time to get back to lunch.

My very kind girlfriends have managed to get my kids to eat a little lunch, and by the time I get back they are running around the tables, and Lars is fighting Jonah to the death for Jonah's trains. Annika finally manages to fuss herself to sleep while I eat 6 bites of pizza, and we decide to head out. After a little lost-receipt drama (you need one to get OUT of Costco), I get the kids to the car, stop to talk to Jen about whether to head to Trader Joes, and in the interim Cecilie manages to fall out of the shopping basket backwards, landing on the car's bumper instead of the pavement. Don't ask...

No real high points in Trader Joe's, other than my older 2 deciding they want to pee, so again Jen helps out & watches Annika while we troop into yet another public restroom and fully utilise their facilities. By the time we get out, Jen's managed to get Annika back to sleep, but its 1.30 and the bigger kids are No Nap Wild. They are literally running laps around the bakery section, and even the good natured Trader Joes are exasperated. We check out of Store #2 with minimum of drama, get our free kids balloons, and pile the kids into the car seats. All suggestions of play dates are vetoed immediately, because I don't want to visit my children's unique version of sociopathy on any other family.

In short, today was my very own three hour Walk of Shame.

The Walk of Shame

So last weekend, we're at Costco, doing the suburban family thang. I pass this mom - pretty, thin, 2 cute well-behaved boys (3ish and 5ish) - and absentmindedly clock the contents of her basket: Amy's Organic Veggie burritos, organic eggs, organic milk, big bag of carrots... you get the picture. In the 2 seconds it took me to pass her, with my own basket of cranky, whiny kids, I clearly remember thinking "huh, she's just like me, only better."

Cut to 45 mins later, and the whole family is sitting in the food court, eating our pizza. We hear this ear-splitting screaming even before we can see who it's coming from. Then, straight out of the checkouts, with apparently no food purchased, I see Mrs Pretty Thin Organic Mom dragging the 5 yr old by one arm, and pinning the other one into the basket to keep him from flipping out sideways, and they are hollering. To get out of the store, she has to pass the entire food court, and all eyes are on her.

I meet Torbjorn's glance over our kids' heads: we are laughing (although with deep empathy) and say at the same time: "ooooh, the Walk of Shame...."

King of the Jungle

Soft packages seldom sit well with kids in general and at first this one was nonchalantly tossed in the corner...

The morning after the party it was tried on, and it really has not come off since... I have never seen a three year old beaming with pride over an outfit - this shot is priceless

The cubs going biking...

The birthday blog, extended version...

So, yes, we held out to the very end, hoping he would change his mind, because there really is not a thing you can easily find in the party store to support it, but the request remained clear - TRASH TRUCK PARTY!!!

So, way too late the invitations read:
Its a trash bash
Collection time:
Collection site: the Nilsen dump
Billing inquiries, etc:

It's actually quite obvious, how all pre-school boys' birthdays should be, as it turns out - no more cleaning up before the party, just trashing down!!!
First activity was "smush the gush" (home made play-doh), abhorrent to some, but others got stuck right in...
The most successful activity was one grandma thought up on the spot - for future reference it's called "Make the Trash", aka "tear the sunday paper to pieces and throw it up in the air", and it was HUGE, for all age groups...
Next up, "tack the trash on the trash truck" (and we ask you please to note the recycled use made of the sunday paper), a long wait for some, but a big hit especially for the mom, who got tons and tons of kudos from children and grown-ups alike for drawing a mega trash truck ...
Not quite sure what this cute couple was looking at, but they were caught in the middle of some tremendous excitement, and that was kind of cute...
...and here's trouble, Lars and the two Jonahs very politely listening to the instructions for "Race to recycle" the most elaborate of the activities, and probably a little too complex for the two-three year old set - the trash got sorted correctly for the most part, but the whole "back behind the line and bring one piece at the time" concept got well and truly lost in translation - come on, seriously daddy, who recycles one piece of trash at the time? You take it all to the cans and recycle it right there, it's that easy!
Cecilie striking the fatal blow to the poor trash truck pinata (not strictly by the book this approach, but highly effective...) Check the slo-mo action shot of the dads keeping Jonah C's head out of the line of fire.
Grabbing for loot...
It might not be apparent to the dear readership what a chocolate rainbow cake has to do with trash trucks, but Lars was insisting on both and who is to deny a birthday boy his wishes? And not just any rainbow cake: "a COSCO (sic) cake, Mommy. Only a COSCO cake"
...we're quite sure his wishes came through...
The party goers digging in...
Some gratuitous Lars "photograph" shots... you could argue he's got the wrong end of the posing stick, or just agree with us that it is somewhat hilarious - we're building quite the collage for later presentation...

...and in the middle of it all, Jonah C was MOST content being chief Railroad Engineer...

The pink suit session

Getting ready to bust the chops on the papparazi ...

Fresh faced sweet little girl...

She is holding her head for 15-20 mins stretches now, and looooooooves it when someone stops to chat with her

"Daddy, put that camera away, I just did an enormous poop!"

Those nutty Nilsen kids

Annika believes in traveling in style, right down to her handmade sweater with itty bitty bunny buttons

And hey, if you've got an outfit that works, might as well break it out again!

Here's a boy who sometimes misses being mommy's baby...

And I gotta get loose, footloose, put on your Sunday shoes..

Trash talk

The last 5.3 tonnes of rubbish from the renovation (TWO years ago) finally went to the great beyond in this dumpster...

...in the acceptance speech for greatest removal of the year, I will thank farfar for helping with the heavy lifting, motrin for the power to heal, and my gorgeous wife for bearing with me for TWO years in trying to get rid of the stuff

One little guy was happy that it took two years to finally move the crap out; surely the best pre-amble to the trash birth day - let's pretend we put it all off this long as a part of the birthday master plan...

...on the day itself, a ride on the REAL truck. Maybe not quite up to Health and Safety code, but hey, they let us...

Winter Roaming

At the playground, all fresh faced and bushy tailed atop the Big Slide

Mister monkey man traversing the monkey mountain

...and if there really was any doubt - we went to the Zoo the next weekend to check on the primal link

The coolest thing we saw all day was the hook and ladder and to get to stand on the ladder, the way coolest!

The big 3-5, aka Beach Blanket Bingo

Yes, acknowledging that we aren't getting any younger, it is at least good to know that we live in paradise; and since really, every day is a party here the banner was a bit superfluous but it looks kinda good, don't you think? (Ignore the messy kitchen while you admire...)

Coming back from work dad was greeted by the locals as he was led to the tiki bar for a margarita...

Hours of preparation coming to fruition as the kids put final touches on the m&m mosaic beach scene...

One happy beach bum, and his beach babe
A little father son banter on the beach front...
Final, irrefutable proof that Elton John fathered Christian Slater...

The bringing you up to date blog...

OK guys, the harrasing works - having sent farmor and farfar back a cross the atlantic we are set for another bunch of updates in short shrift, so we start off where we left off, the first week of February...
A certain fireman, practicing some wicked rock throwing skills, at the "muddy river" near grandma and grandpa's house
Cecilie's balancing skills are beyond reproach, this log crosses the river and dad is the one reluctantly being dragged along... (for the record)
Hanging with the Martens crew, being up to no good what so bloody ever, but too cute to ever be steered down the straight and narrow...

So, here we are at the beach... Basking in the sun with temperatures hovering a little over freezing on the walk from the road to our front door; as it turned out it gave Cecilie all sorts of ideas for how dad's birthday was to be celebrated...

Valentines breakfast was a quiet affair, with dad gone, but there was heart shaped french toast to go around and Valentines from Mommy & Daddy

We're going back to the future... and for your information - Barbie Magic of Pegasus does NOT get any better in 3D

Quite unaffected by all the goings on, Annika grew to be the biggest girl in her "class", still exceptionally content swimming with the fishes! Upcoming blogs will reveal her talent for a sweet smile.