Thursday, June 26, 2008

When Lars grows up...

So , we have this theory that there is a little bit of Christan Slater in that Larsy boy...

The latest development is that we now have it on good authority from people with SOME authority in making celebrity connections that the guy to watch is actually Barry Watson:

I am fairly certain that there is no such thing as a Poor Man's Barry Watson, or Christian Slater for that matter, maybe Lars just have to blaze his own trail...

Bumper stickers

...this literal way of wearing your beliefs on your sleeve may be fairly uniquely American, and I find it quaint and charming most of the time, but this week it really boiled over for me.

Largely the propensity for this expression is found on the political and religious fringes (not counting mainstream political campaigns and proud parents) below is some recent "favorites" I have come across:
"Barak HUSSEIN Obama for president - are you fucking kidding me?"
"Only half the people who go into an abortion clinic come out alive
"My dog is smarter than your president"
"My Other Car is a Broom"
"Focus on your own damn family"

Thursday night we watch the news and one of the stories is about the government housing manager of a neighboring county, who has been caught on camera with this little gem of a bumper sticker: "If you can't feed them, don't breed them".

The next day on my commute the camel's back was broken by the straw of being cut off...

I must let you know, cutting off, and being cut off, is a relatively common occurrence in my 100 miles per day commute. What really had me hacked off was that this wasn't just your regular dopey hippie "oops, I didn't see you..." kind of cut off, this was a "I am going to drive on the shoulder as far as I can and then cut you off..." cut off..., and then there was the bumper sticker: Choose Civility

I fully support the public' right to use bumper stickers as a proclamation of one's values, and I have even become accustomed to being cut off by cars with WWJD and Jesus fish stickers (after all he was all about forgiveness...), but when you put it out there as an explicit statement like that...!!!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Veggie tale

So my kids like their junk food as much as the next kid. A Happy Meal does indeed, make them happy. They never met a donut they didn't like. And they have been known to complete a 2-mile walk (not a stroller in sight!) motivated solely by the promise of an ice cream cone at trail's end.

And yet.... I kid you not, the following conversation is verbatim:

[the menu tonight was fried rice, with tofu, mushrooms,onions, and steamed squash & zucchini]
C: [inhales squash] shouts Can I have more squash?!?
L: Yeah, I want more squash!!!!
Mother, aka The Voice of Reason, insists that they must at least take one bite of rice before they can gorge on more squash.
C: what's in this? It looks really....brown.
Mom tells them it's tofu & mushrooms
L: mmmm, this tofu's deeeelisssshhhuss!
C: disconsolately I don't like tofu. The only thing I like about this rice is the mushrooms. Can I just eat the mushrooms?
L: Mommy? I don't like mushrooms unless they're cooked.
C: yeah, I really only like cooked mushrooms.
[we ponder the delisshussness of mushrooms]
C: hey, what's for dessert?
M: ummm, I don't think we're having anything for dessert tonight
C: WHAT??? NO DESSERT???? You mean we can't have a huge bowl of blueberries?
M: sorry guys, you ate the entire box of blueberries for breakfast.
[heavy sighs, silence....]
C: ooh, I know! We can have oranges, a can of oranges!
L: YEAH, ORAAAAAAANGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and thus peace reigned in the Nilsen home as those nutty kids slurped up mandarin oranges in pear juice.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

About a Boy

It's great to have the testosterone around here, really it is.

One morning Lars retired to the W.C. for some meditation time, and I was summoned to help him you know, clean up.

I walk in the bathroom, and he proudly points:
"Look at my thousands of poops Mom!"
"wow, bud"
"Yeah, but they're not really in a mountain like usual. They're more in a swirly line, like train tracks..."

Good to know. Glad he's thinking about these things.

And lest we think they grow out of this: yesterday evening we had some friends for a bbq in the backyard. Lars needed a pee, and we encouraged him to find the nearest tree. He chose the very nearest one (of course) so all were party to the ah, performance.

Dad A: woah, look at that arc!
Dad B: yeah, that really was high, wasn't it?
Dad B, laughing: yeah, very impressive.
Mom A (wife of Dad A): are we seriously talking about his pee?
Dad A: yeah.
Mom A: huh. it's just that really, in a 100 years, I would never talk about someone's peeing with my girlfriends.
Dad A: well you know, its not about the pee. Its about the ABILITY.
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